Postpartum Depression?

Hye.

I am tired. I feel so useless. Clearly, I am unhappy right now and people around me, they are not much of a help. I wish people in the office would stop passing remark about how tired (and fat) I looked. My dark circle, my muffin top, bla bla bla. Macam la aku xtau kn? Penat nya~

I am so irritable nowadays, I hate myself. This post clearly is going nowhere. I want to rant but I don't even have the energy. Could I be PMS-ing? Or is this postpartum depression? (Over kan?) Hmm. I just wish you'd understand, of all people, I really just wish YOU would.

p/s : ingat nk amek title Aritha as HOT MAMA tapi tak mampu

Bye.

'Like'

Hye.

Boleh tak kalau kau tak 'like' status sendiri kat FB? It's just weird OK. I don't know why I am so disturbed by this but it just feels so wrong. Memang la suka hati orang tu nak buat apa pun kn. Tapiiii aku tetap nak cakap aku irritated! Kalau kau 'like' status kau tu kadang-kadang ke xpe la jugak. Ni suma status kau kau nk 'like'. Kau cakap kau makan sorang pun kau nk 'like' ke??? Haih.

Bye.

Makan :@)

WARNING : INI IALAH ENTRY YG (MUNGKIN) PENUH DENGAN MAKIAN

15 days left and the (unimportant) people around me are stressing me (almost) to the max! If only I could tell them off. I hate people who are disrespectful (or just pure dumb). Ape ke ssh sgt nk respect org? Idiots! Bkn nye aku suh kau mkn :@) (read : b*bi). Makan :@) pun x ssh sbnrnye kn acai? (matiker mak) I know it’s not really a walk in the park what I’m trying to do/achieve. But it wouldn’t hurt for you people to help make it a tad easier, would it? Apparently, it would la kn. Selfish ‘anjing betina’ (read : b*itch)! Aku mmg emo. Jadi?

Anyway, while I’m here, I’m granting (grant la sgt kn) Aritha’s request asking for how my (not so) big day is chronologically happening. InsyaAllah. OK, here goes. :)

Henna Night
Date : 2nd June 2009
Time : PM (x sure kol bape)
Venue : Home Sweet Home
Attire : Kurung Moden in Turquoise

Engagement
Date : 3rd June 2009
Time : 10.00 am
Venue : Home Sweet Home
Attire : Long Dress in Gold, Peach, Pink & Off White (matila x igt sbnrnye)

Solemnization
Date : 3rd June 2009
Time : 5.00 pm
Venue : Sg. Tiram Mosque (jln kaki dr umah aku pun sampe)
Attire : Kurung Moden in White with colourful beads (ni x tgk and fitting lagi)

*pic courtesy of Sher Design*

(Mini) Reception – Bride Side
Date : 3rd June 2009
Time : 8.00 pm onwards
Venue : Home Sweet Home
Attire : Kurung Moden in Peach and Off White

Reception – Bride & Groom Side
Date : 7th June 2009
Time : 12.00 noon – 4.00 pm
Venue : Dewan Merak Kayangan Felda
Attire : Long Dress in Maroon and White (ni pun x tgk and x fitting lagi)

There. Ade ape2 kau nk tau lagi x Aritha? :D Aku siap add details on attire lagi. Hehe.

p/s : Dear God, pls let those who wish to see me (or my family) crumble end up in disappointment.

I Am Hungry

I don’t know what’s wrong with the server today, but I was wasting time trying to upload some pictures from TheDepartment’s Awayday. Results, sampe skang x dpt. So malas nk try lagi. Maybe I will upload them next time (yelah tu).

Anyway, the past couple of weeks have been quite stressful for me. And today, I’m going back to Penang. Hanya untuk meminta kebenaran bernikah. Hmm. Harap2 everything will go smoothly. I really don’t think I can take it if things ‘have’ to change because of some people. Right now, I feel so pressured by those around me. PMS kot. Nvm. I’m trying hard to stay positive. Hopefully things will be better once I’m home. :)

As usual, the trips back to Penang or KL never mean free time for me and my Darling to do what we like. As of late, that is. It’s always been about taking care of wedding business. Our wedding business, of course. Remember about the wrong printing on our invitation cards? Well, the re-printed bunch have been ready for pick-up for quite a while now. I was supposed to go back earlier but things got ‘messy’ at work that I had to postpone my trip. So anyway, can’t wait to see the beautiful cards (walaupun risau jugak takut ada slh lagi). Doakan saya ye kawan2. :D

Some other things we need to do are meet up with the photographer for the Penang’s ceremonies (berinai, bertunang, bernikah) and the videographer. I really really really hope I will be able to catch a movie this time around (matila ttibe kuar topic). It’s almost May and this year, I haven’t been to a single movie outing! :(

Btw, I know this has nothing to do with anything at all but I am hungry. Bye.

p/s : Looking forward to the upcoming Febeles’ gathering at Delicious on Labour Day! Yippieee…

True Art

Hye peeps. Firstly sorry for the sudden hiatus mode of this blog (mcm la ada org peduli and perasan kn?). Anyway, here I am practically forcing myself to scribble something down. Forced by who? No one actually. I just felt like I owe it to the blog. Hehe. Let’s do some wedding talk. Here’s to clearing all the ‘sawang’ at my blog. :)

What do you guys think of these?

The reason why I brought up this topic today is because I have not been feeling too good lately. PMS is of course to be blamed (above everything else, as usual). So I called my mom to talk. I always feel a bit better after talking to her, regardless whatever the topic is about. And as of late, it has been about my wedding preparation in Penang and almost nothing else. Anyway, I called and she couldn’t really talk as she was busy surveying henna for my wedding. And that explains why I decided to post some pics of henna today.

I haven’t actually decided on the henna design I’d like for my wedding yet. I have been googling for pictures though. Haven’t found one I really like. Some are way too much, some are too simple, and some just plain creepy. But to tell you the truth, it kinda amazes me how creative (or not) this whole henna art thingy can be. Weird thing is not only Indians and Muslims seem to be obsessed with it. People from different sides of the world and culture are getting henna-ed (if there’s such word) everywhere. Arms, head, back, tummy etc. Contoh nye gamba2 kt bwh ni. I don’t quite understand the motives but I guess that’s true art eh? :)

Happy Thoughts

Hye. Arini ari sabtu. Ape yg org slalu wat ari sabtu? Lepak2? Bersuka-ria? Duduk rumah guling2 atas katil sampe pukul 4 ptg br mandi? Agaknye la kan. Tp aku x dpt wat pun sume tu. Aku kt opis. Kalau ade katil, leh jgk aku attempt nk guling2 sampe kol 4ptg kn? Haih. Aku sdg cuba berfikiran positif. Xmau moody la (walaupun dh sbnrnye). Happy thoughts~ Happy thoughts~ Tp nk take a break from fikiran positif yg dipaksa2.

Ohh, I will be traveling back to KL next week. Actually to Melaka for some forum and then I’ll be in KL for a 2-day meeting. Pastu aku stay on sampe pas raya cina. Motif nk blk Bintulu ari Sabtu? Xde makne. Lgpun bkn aku yg set meeting supaya aku leh blk Chinese New Year for free. Org2 itu yg panggey aku bermeeting dgn mereka. But I am not complaining. Hehe. Sape xmau blk free kn? Aku on ja~ :D

Aku tau entry kali ni x masuk akal. Tp aku x peduli. I just need to write something. Aku ada sedikit rasa x tenteram. PMS awal pulak bulan ni. Hmm. Oklah, bye.

*kembali berfikiran positif*

It's That Time Already

Last night before going to sleep, I had this ambition of blogging about how I wanna welcome the New Year. Yes, it’s that time already. It feels like just yesterday when I was blabbing about the year 2007 (while 2008 was making an entrance). It’s a cliché, I know, but hey, I genuinely feel that way. Sigh. Anyway, I suddenly don’t feel like writing too much. There’s a lot I need to think about right now. Not forgetting the fact that I’m pms-ing. I just feel like crying. Damn it. I never feel like crying on a day of traveling back to good old KL. Something must be bothering me. Something not big, but not small (to me) either. You lovely people must think I’m losing it. Maybe, a little. But I’m only losing my cool, not my mind. Even so, not completely. I think I better stop right now. Here’s wishing all of you out there Happy New Year! May God be kind to us all (as always) more than this time last year, less than this time next year. Hope I got that one right. Enough of overused phrases in one entry. I’ll see you lovely people next year. InsyaAllah. Pray for our (my Darling and I) safe journey back home and back here. Don’t forget to party hard. Goodbye!

p/s : I know this has nothing to do with anything at all, but Jenny Humphrey (from Gossip Girl - Season 2) is such a brat!

What Bonds Us

If there’s one entry I want him to read, it’s definitely this one.

I feel like we have grown apart a little. Maybe not, I don’t know. Maybe we have grown too comfortable. Too comfortable that we are being complacent. Mind you, we are not in trouble. We are fine. We are. Promise. :)

I don’t know if it’s the hormones, but something got me thinking. Maybe after we were apart for quite sometime this month, I felt a little different. Something made me realize that we are not like we used to be. We see each other everyday. But what do we actually do? I don’t quite know.

We used to email each other at work. Now? I only get a forwarded email from him maybe once in two days (if I’m lucky). I’m not blaming him. I don’t forward him emails at all sometimes. I miss the jokes we used to share through emails. I do. So much.

We used to sms each other at work no matter how busy. Now? I only get an sms asking me to pick him at the end of the day or sometimes to go for lunch. Nothing much in between. Then again, nothing I’ve done to put the routine back to it’s place. I just let it be. But I miss the times when I’d have to juggle between finishing up my work and replying his sms.

We used to play tennis together almost every evening. Now? He goes to play with his guy friends. Not that I mind. I think he’ll be better off playing with them anyway. I mean, how can a guy improve playing with a girl right? Unless I’m Jelena Jankovic (matila tanak tulis Serene or Venus as contoh). Still, I miss the amusement we shared on the court. It really got us close to each other.

I don’t know what bonds us nowadays. The time spent in the car to and from work? Have we officially reached that level? The level where people just go through a relationship (doing nothing out of the ordinary) just because they are in it? Have we really reached that point? How did we manage to go ‘there’ so early? It scares me. It scares me big time. So, I think I’m gonna have to do something to make us not go ‘there’ so early. Or better still, not go ‘there’ at all. :)

I really don’t wanna end up feeling like he has to be with me just because. I wanna know that he is with me because he wants to. Right now, it feels like we are distant despite being so near. I don’t think we are unhappy. I just think we forgot what we used to have that made us close, the quality time. Real quality time. Hmm. But no worries, I will try to refresh both our memories. Hehe.

So, pray for me people. I’m on a journey to revive my love life. Although I don’t quite know how yet. But I hope I will succeed. Hey, who knows, he might realize that we have been too complacent and decided to do something too. :D

p/s : What has been written, everything, is solely what I feel. Like I said, it could be the hormones talking. I’m not blaming him at all. It takes two to tango people. Remember that! Toodles~!

p/s lagi : WE ARE NOT IN TROUBLE! To my darling, I love you and I miss US.. :)

Any Other Day

On any other day, having to wait for 10 minutes in the car will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me cry.

On any other day, having to seat alone half the time through dinner will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me sad.

On any other day, having to pick up my own luggage to be put in the car will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me mad.

On any other day, having to comfort myself after a series of mishaps will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me weep.

On any other day, having to be corrected in the kitchen will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me anxious.

On any other day, having to change plans will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me angry.

On any other day, having to be told that you are fine with everything will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me furious.

On any other day, having to try and make normal conversation with you will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me upset.

On any other day, having to wait for a reply email will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me crazy.

On any other day, having to stay hungry will not have affected me. But on the day when PMS reigns, it made me numb.

p/s : Isn’t PMS evil? :( Pls say something to make me feel better. It feels like nobody cares. Man, PMS is a b*tch!

A Change of Mood

In life, you just can’t expect others to give you what you wish for. You’ll just have to work for it and earn everything on your own. Perhaps that’s why God has been so generous towards me, so that I can get what I want on my own accord. Alhamdulillah.

Btw, I’m off to KL tomorrow for a meeting. I should be jumping up and down, but I’m really not all that excited. Hopefully as tomorrow draws near, I’ll have a change of mood. I really need it. Big time.

p/s : Damn you pms!

:D

I want a lot of things
But I can’t have anything
I wish you’d give me something
So I can actually feel like I have everything
:D

I've Been Tagged

I’ve been tagged by Zalina. Well, considering the reality that I have loads to do but am in absolutely no mood to do them, here I am. :) So, here goes – 7 interesting/weird facts about me.

1. I am afraid of the dark
I cannot sleep without the lights. I travel alone quite a lot and whenever it’s time to sleep, I have to have the telly (and some of the lights) keep me company until I doze off. At home, I have this small IKEA light to do the honors. I simply cannot sleep in total darkness unless someone is by my side or in the same room. Ye, saya ialah penakut. And your point is?

2. I get moody when my undies don’t match
Hehe. I know it’s nobody’s fault that when I wanted to spend the night over at a friend’s, I wrongly brought over an unmatched pair of undies to be worn to work the next day. But still, it got me moody. I know. Weird. Truth is, I’m still figuring out why it actually got me so moody. And in case some of you were wondering, I brought baby blue bra and turquoise panty. See, told you they don’t match. Anyone would be moody too right? :p

3. I do not know how to ride a bicycle
Yes, you read correctly. I have lived for 2 decades (Alhamdulillah) and yet do not know how to ride a bicycle. I think I used to try learning when I was little but I failed so many times that I gave up. And now, two decades later, I’m just too afraid to try again. Sebab takut jatuh. Sakit ok?

4. I do not like rice
This probably will make some people think I’m really weird. But, I really do not like rice. I like bread though. I love them actually. I can finish one whole loaf by myself, with only butter and jam. :) Ttibe lapar. *kruk* *kruk*

5. I have 8 piercings on my body
I have three on each ears, which makes six. One on my nose. And the other one is a secret. :p There, eight.

6. I am a cry baby
How do I elaborate on this particular point? Hmm. I basically cry over every single thing that doesn’t go my way (secretly, of course). And I literally mean everything, even when I can not hit my forehand or backhand properly. Haha. Sian x my Darling? :p

7. I always get weird people for a boss
I do. They are just the weirdest if not the blurriest. I don’t think I wanna be giving details on this point. Too much. Just hope God will always provide me with the patience I have always asked from Him. :)

Dah. Selesai. Now, I’m supposed to tag 7 other people and they are :
1. Acai Kebede
2. Shafizal/Hafizal/Jai Maddox/Peah (mrasa!)
3. Jassu
4. Irwan
5. Anyone with time to waste
6. Anyone who knows me (haha)
7. Anyone at all

I think I just tagged more than 7 people. Tapi xpe la kot. The more the merrier kn?

On a completely different topic, I’m so tired. I feel like sleeping until Saturday. I’m off to KK tomorrow to go get myself tanned (dark is more like it). No, I’m not going sunbathing on the beautiful beaches of the islands in KK, I’m gonna go play tennis. It’s the time I’ve been waiting for actually. But today when it’s so close, I’m emotionless. Rasa mcm nk tdo je. But anyways, wish me luck peeps! :D I’m off to go slave myself under the scorching sun of KK. Adios!

p/s : Don’t miss me! (as if)

I Get Moody

I get moody..

1. when my tummy is not flat enough
2. when I fit into my jeans a little snug
3. when I can see my ‘muffin top’ however hard I try to hide it
4. when I feel fat (what’s new?)
5. when the weighing machine 'lies'
6. when he doesn’t seem to miss me as much as I miss him
7. when he doesn’t seem to love me as much as I love him
8. when he subconsciously ignores me
9. when he is not around when I really need him
10. when I’m sick and alone
11. when I’m PMS-ing
12. a LOT. Period.

p/s : I really miss my Darling :(

I am

I am
1. gaining weight (shit!)
2. afraid of the outcome of my appraisal
3. feeling like crap because of my weight
4. afraid that I will outgrow my Darling and look like his big sister
5. in need of a miracle
6. bored despite the fact that I hv tonnes to do
7. one person who hates moving places
8. still thinking hard about losing the weight I hv gained
9. jealous of people who eats like an *oink oink* but still managed to look like a stick
10. pms-ing, as usual

She Needs To Be Home

She knows he’s probably tired. But she can’t help but hope he’d be there for her. She’s not always asking for undivided attention. In fact, she gave him lots of space. She’s not always demanding for the unnecessaries. In fact, she has been very understanding. She’s not always requesting for his presence. In fact, she has been very accommodating. But the one time she needed him the most, he left her alone. Unintentionally perhaps. Still, it left her broken-hearted. And as always, she can’t help but cry.

A cry of anger. A cry of frustration. A cry of fear. A cry of disappointment. A cry that accompanied her to sleep. :(

She wants to be understanding. She wants to be kind. She wants to be happy. She wants to be caring. But this time, she just can’t anymore. And it gets to her so much that she thinks, ‘She needs to be alone. She needs to be away. She needs to be home’.

PMS really sucks!

Go Die

Earlier today (when I wasn’t so pms), I had this ambition of blogging about the wonderful weekend I had in KL with my TTM. But now, I’m just not in the mood to tell you guys anything about it. Why? Sigh. It has to be one of the events that left you wondering who, what, where, why and the worst, what if.

I’m just crazy. I’m just paranoid. I’m just overreacting. Am I? Sadly sometimes I don’t think so. I’m worried. I’m scared. I’m disturbed. I still think I don’t have the right to say anything about ‘anyone’ (despite he himself has told me otherwise). I still think ‘anyone’ is more important than me. I still think that as long as ‘anyone’ is around, ‘anyone’ will always come first. It’s probably just me. I don’t know. I’m gutless when it comes to these things. Wanna know why? Simply because I feel I have no say in anything at all over ‘anyone’.

Weird thing is, if you noticed, I’m always wondering about all these nonsensical things. But it disturbs me most only when I’m pms-ing (there we go again, blame it all on the pms). So again, I’m just gonna go have a good harmless cry (that always help), and watch the telly. Hopefully, these stupid thoughts and feelings will pass and never come back. Please just leave me in peace. Go bug someone else, or better still, go die.

A Good Cry

I’m feeling crappy again. What’s new right? Sigh. PMS just sucks. I wish I have the guts to just say what’s on my mind. I wish I have the guts to just ask what I wanna know. I wish he has the guts to do whatever it takes. Oh my God, why do I always find trouble? I’m tired.

‘Whatever you decide to do, I’m fine with it.’ I hate this stupid statement. I just do. It makes me feel worthless. Probably just me, then again, when your mood is swinging like an ape swinging from a tree to another, everything just simply sucks. I guess it’s just something I hate to hear right now. If you’re fine with whatever I decide to do, then I don’t want anything to do with you at all. Are you still fine with my decision? I guess you are. Crap. I have to get back to work. Sigh. I think I just need a good cry. Hmm.

Strolling Down Memory Lane

Can anyone ever satisfy me? Will I ever be satisfied? I guess the first thing I need to do is stop attracting (or stop being attracted to) the wrong person. All my life, as far as I can remember, I have been doing nothing but that. I have always, always been attracted to all the wrong individuals. Anyone I ever liked, never ever liked me back. Even if they do, they are not quite the available ones or they don’t like me the way I liked them. See? It’s either I liked the wrong person, or they liked me. I think I need to keep away from all the wrong people. But can I actually? When will I ever learn? Sigh.

I feel like strolling down memory lane today. Care to join me anyone? Let’s take a stroll with me just so I can demonstrate my point. You can then agree that I have always had it wrong with guys I liked or those who liked/like me. Hmm. I think I should start with the ones I liked first, moving on later to the ones that liked me. Buckle up people. Try to enjoy the ride ya. :)

***
The ones I liked
The Arrogant Lad
This guy was practically my first crush back in UTP. He was probably everyone’s first crush given the super good looks he was granted. And you know what? He knew it, too. I think my close friends would know as I was not actually discreet about it. Only with them, mind you. Until today, I have no idea if he ever knew. Haha. Anyway, what’s wrong with me liking this guy back then? He made it clear that he was having a crush on this other girl, and was actually pursuing her. And what can be worst than asking me for pointers on courting that particular girl? At that time, absolutely nothing! So I have actually liked a guy who could care less about my being. On top of that, he was treating me like I didn’t matter too. Good start eh?

The Shy Stranger
I’m not sure if I can classify this guy as someone who’s wrong. I don’t think he ever knew I liked him. I don’t think anyone ever knew. He was a friend of 'The Arrogant Lad'. Haha. Need I say more? With this guy, it wasn’t anything serious. It was just a stupid crush. A crush no one knew. A crush I kept to myself. Until now that is. All I can remember about him is that he was super shy. Very polite. But not once he glanced my way. Not once.

The Handsome Jerk
With this guy, I was just blinded by good looks and nothing else. Seriously. Stupid stupid me. This jerk knew I liked him from a good friend. Needless to say I never intended for him to know. But anyways, he actually came up to me and my best friend while we were having dinner one night and asked for my best friend’s hand phone number right under my nose. He even asked her out there and then. OMG! Imagine how I felt right that very moment. Talk about being a pig. By the way, I learnt afterwards that he’s a pervert. Haha. Felt so glad I didn’t get the chance to go out with him.

The Amateur Cheater
This guy actually broke my heart. The first time ever I cried over a guy was when I liked this d*ckhead. Excuse my language. Just can’t help but be reminded of how I used to cry myself to sleep because I found out that this guy cheated on me. I seriously liked him. Love was growing in fact. And he knew and he made me think that the feeling’s mutual, too. What an ass. You wanna know the funny part? He was caught cheating by my best friend in her house, with her other friend. How cool is that? And when I confronted him, it was as if nothing ever happened. Or even if it did, he wanted me to decide what I wanted to do. Wth? Like my feelings didn’t matter. Whatever I decided, he’s fine. So then I decided to end the whole thing. He didn’t stop me. Didn’t even try. That’s how much I was worth to him I guess. Although back then, I felt like dirt, today, we are just good friends. Hehe. People are always asking me, how did I end up being friends with him after what he did? Honestly, I seriously don’t know. I’m too nice I guess. That is why I get hurt easily. Hmm.

The Devoted Friend
I saw this guy for the first time at the cafeteria. I had a major crush there and then. I saw him in the afternoon and by tomorrow evening, he found out I like him already. Haha. See how fast my friends worked? I was angry considering I’ve had so many bad experiences with guys who knew I liked them that I just felt like keeping the crush I had on this guy to myself. But I was a little too late. Anyways, I hate to tell u guys about this particular guy cuz I just think that he’s a coward and nothing else. Or probably he didn’t like me that much. The thing is he actually told a friend that he thinks I’m OK and he liked me too. Perhaps, he was being nice. Nevermind. But he refused to go out with me or have any kind of contact with me after a friend of his (I will tell u guys about this other guy later on) told him that he actually is pursuing me. What?!? Jgn kacau line dier la kirenye. The nerves on some people really amaze me. So then I gave up. What’s the point right? If he values his friendship, I have to respect that. But don’t expect me to be so open about it. Idiots!

The Careless Bloke
Hmm. What can I say about this guy? I was very comfortable with him. I liked him very much, really. Although I’m not sure if he ever liked me when we were going out together, I enjoyed having him around most of the time anyway. You see the thing is with me is that I never assume anything. If you like me, you have to tell me. I’m not the presumptuous type of a person. I’m just not. I just don’t have the confidence to exude such beliefs. I have nothing much to say about this guy as clearly, I don’t know how he ever felt about me. He probably liked me as a friend or more, I might never know.

The Obedient Son
This particular person used to be the love of my life. I changed because of the relationship I had with this guy. I changed so much over the 3 years with him. Only it was rarely appreciated or even seen as something important enough to be recognized. Not that I crave for recognition that much, but a teeny weeny acknowledgement would’ve been nice, right? If you know me, you’d know that I’m not all that hard to please. But I will without a doubt go the extra mile to please the ones I love. Anyways, what happened with this person who I thought was my absolute knight in shining armour? Let’s just say he’s not looking for a spoiled stubborn mummy’s little girl. Even if he was, he’s too compliant to do something about it. By the way, if any of you are interested for more details on this individual, feel free to read my old blog. :) It’s everything you need to know and probably a little more.

The Sweetheart’s Honey a.k.a The Charming Caring Soul
At first he was just someone who’s there, someone for me to take my mind off things, someone who helped me forget, someone who laughed hard at my jokes, someone who made me laugh after a long time. Then slowly but surely, he became someone I like, someone I need, someone I miss, someone I want but probably can’t have. How? Could it be because he’s so bloody caring and sweet? I have no idea why I let my feelings for him developed so deeply despite the constant alarm in my head telling me otherwise. I truly care for this person. I do. So much that it slightly hurts, sometimes. I meant that in a good way of course, if there’s such a thing. Hmm. Although I’m not exactly sure he feels the same way, I upset myself thinking about it now and again. Probably because he’s not actually available you see. Yes people. He’s all that I ever wanted in a guy, but he’s taken. Again, one of the many people I’m wrongly attracted to. Sigh. What am I gonna do now? I seriously don’t know. Continue being a careless bitch? I have a feeling that I’m well on my way to self-destruction again. The path where without a doubt will be left with at least a broken heart. And more often than not, when it involves yours truly, it’s pretty clear whose heart it will be. Nonetheless, I’d just like to be absurdly optimistic and hope that I won’t be hurt whatever the outcome may be. Hmm. A tad too wishful maybe? Despite that, I really need a hug. Hug? :)
***

There you have it. That was about them guys that got yours truly love-struck. Now let’s read on about those who’re mysteriously smitten by yours truly yang comot ini. :)

***
The ones who liked me
The Psychotic Deceiver
This Romeo is really something. According to his friends (and him of course), he never failed in getting a girl to like him. Wanna guess who’s the first to break his track record? Yours truly! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, or absolutely nothing right? Hmm. It’s just that he lies like he breathes in oxygen. Constantly. All the time. It surprises me really. Everything that was uttered by him was nothing but lies. You can never trust him. Never. But, despite being the greatest liar, he’s a gentleman when it comes to treating a lady. Or probably when it comes to treating me. Hehe. I was like a princess to him. I can safely say that, before ‘The Sweetheart’s Honey a.k.a The Charming Caring Soul’, no one has ever treated me better than this guy. Sigh. If only he’s not damaged goods. The lies and the stories he made up, were weird and unreasonable. It’s beyond comprehension sometimes. No wait. Not sometimes, all the time. I can’t even begin to tell the lies I was told by this guy. Being super sick and bla bla bla…Oh by the way, remember the guy that ‘The Devoted Friend’ was so loyal to? This is the guy. Talk about wasting time.

The Eager Bandit
This one still makes me laugh. Until today. This guy asked me out one night. Mind you, it was our very first date. I’d like to stress that it’s our very first date. A meal and two movies later, he impatiently asked me to be his girlfriend. Hahahaha. Lawak x? Quite scary at first, but now it’s just amusing. You know what made it more hilarious? A few days after, he was caught stealing some stuff from his housemates. So glad I said no to him or by now, I’d have a thief for an ex-boyfriend. Haha. Can I be attracting a more wrong person? You tell me. :D

The Insolent Pervert
Yes people. I’ve been out with a pervert before. Of course at that point of time, I didn’t know he was actually one. Duh! He was in fact a friend. A good friend if I might add. Someone I trusted. He has somehow developed some kind of a romantic feeling towards me. Needless to say, I had no idea. Not the slightest. I only found out after a friend decided to enlighten me. I told you that you’d need to tell me if you like me. I don’t do signals reading. But anyway, this guy went out for a movie with me and started to grope me. What an ass right? Wanna take a guess what movie? Lord of The Rings 2, or was it 3? I can’t remember. But it was one of the movies from the ever so famous trilogies. It seemed like the movie took forever to end (dah la mmg citer tu berjam2 kn). Thanks to this jerk, I hate that movie. I haven’t talked to this guy right up till today. I just can’t bring myself to talk to him. I can’t look at him in the face and not feel sick. I maybe feel a little betrayed too. But I have forgiven him though. Sinerely. Just stay out of my face sucker!

The Snobbish Gentleman
This is another one of my almost perfect guy. He was such a sweet gentleman. He knew the right things to say, the right things to do. And he made me feel like nothing else mattered, but me, when I was around him. He took such good care of me when we were out in the public that I nearly fell for him, until I saw him treat the others around him. He was bringing everyone down with such harsh words. The remarks and comments made, it was really uncalled for. I can’t stand people doing that. I just can’t stand people who are conceited. Be nice to me and others as well. Why pick and choose? You know Alex Karev in GA? You noticed how Alex is always nice to Izzie Stevens but not even half as nice to others? My almost perfect guy, he’s just about that.

The Constant Sulker
Where do I even begin with this one? This one truly gave me a headache. It sometimes even made me feel like crying. I have no idea how to handle this one person. I have made clear that I do not have any feelings for him whatsoever. You might wanna know what’s wrong with him right? Everything! He’s married. Yes, he is. See why I get migraines when dealing with this one particular human being? Talk about attracting the wrong people, this one has got to be the champion. Care to challenge me on that point? I have lost my appetite to tell you guys anything anymore on this person. Simply because it will take hours for me to stop once I start. So I decided not to even start. Besides, tak penting pun citer panjang2 pasal orang ini.
***

There. Long list huh? I was right wasn’t I? I’d like to conclude today’s entry by saying that, when I’m not out there attracted to someone who couldn’t be more wrong, they’re out there getting attracted to me. So please generous people, any ideas on how to be the magnet to a perfect guy? Do share. After all, sharing is caring right? :)

Absolutely Nothing

If it affects me this much, then why am I still doing what I’m doing? Who knows? I sure as hell don’t. Sigh.

PMS sucks. It’s not like it sucks a little where you can just brush off things that don't matter. It sucks big time because it makes everything that don’t matter, suddenly matter too much. Right, what else to blame in times like this? In times where nothing said by anyone can make you feel better. In times where nothing done by anyone can make you feel better. In times where absolutely nothing can make you feel better.

I should probably take a shower and go to bed, despite the fact that it’s only 7.25 pm.