Happy New Year

It’s finally here. Not that I was eagerly waiting for it to arrive. But it’s always something I kinda look forward to, simply because it usually marks a new beginning. I think. Those who’re wondering what on earth might I be referring to, it’s the NEW YEAR of course. :) Anyone in the mood to take a short ride with me down the ‘not-so-bumpy-and-a-little-amusing’ road of 2007? Well, hop on and enjoy!

Let’s see, where do I begin? Hmm. OK. The first quarter of the year, I was busy trying to pull myself together (after breaking up twice with the same guy in 2006) by keeping myself busy with friends and family. I made a fascinating and thrilling trip to KK with four other lovely ladies. I seriously had a good time. Tak sia2 I menjadi seorg yg gila kuasa mengplan trip itew. Sangat berbaloi. Hehe. .

Come second quarter, I was all excited to participate in the Borneo Games. It was held in Bintulu. The reason why I was excited was because I know I’ll be meeting people I haven’t met for so long (at that point of time, of course). And naturally, the chance to meet Elmi (my bestest friend) and gossip with her beats anything else. Bottom line, I get to play tennis, gossip and still get paid. :) What could be better right? I just needed to get dark a little. OK OK. A lot probably. But who cares? I still managed to meet my darling-to-be (of course I had no idea then) during this event. *wink*

By third quarter, I was busy with my darling (who wasn’t actually my darling yet at that particular time). Also, there was another event, KKP ’07. This has always been the event I look forward to. Always, always and always. This is where I get to ‘cuci mata’ (ada rugby players ok? *drool* You know which part I love the most? The breakfast time. Sangat seronok cuci mata ketika itew. Sigh. I’m missing the whole thing already. But fret not, it’s an annual event. Tahun depan ada lagi. Tahun depan depan ada lagi. :D

In the last quarter of the year, I was just trying to find contentment and probably a little bit of bliss. Did I find it? I think I did. It’s a very good quarter for me. A lot of mysteries were put to rest. Some things were laid out it the open. A lot of information was shared and stories were told. And of course there was Dewa’s Concert which was truly magnificent and nothing else. But apart from everything else, the most important thing that happened in the year of 2007 was that my darling finally became MY darling. Wish me long-lasting luck with this one people. Wouldn’t wanna let this one slip. :)

There, all in all, I would say that 2007 wasn’t a bad year at all. At least it ended better for me comparatively to the year before. Alhamdulillah. I hope 2008 has better things in store for me and everybody else. Happy New Year peeps. God bless! Oh before I go, here are some memories from 2007. Enjoy! :)

Go Die

Earlier today (when I wasn’t so pms), I had this ambition of blogging about the wonderful weekend I had in KL with my TTM. But now, I’m just not in the mood to tell you guys anything about it. Why? Sigh. It has to be one of the events that left you wondering who, what, where, why and the worst, what if.

I’m just crazy. I’m just paranoid. I’m just overreacting. Am I? Sadly sometimes I don’t think so. I’m worried. I’m scared. I’m disturbed. I still think I don’t have the right to say anything about ‘anyone’ (despite he himself has told me otherwise). I still think ‘anyone’ is more important than me. I still think that as long as ‘anyone’ is around, ‘anyone’ will always come first. It’s probably just me. I don’t know. I’m gutless when it comes to these things. Wanna know why? Simply because I feel I have no say in anything at all over ‘anyone’.

Weird thing is, if you noticed, I’m always wondering about all these nonsensical things. But it disturbs me most only when I’m pms-ing (there we go again, blame it all on the pms). So again, I’m just gonna go have a good harmless cry (that always help), and watch the telly. Hopefully, these stupid thoughts and feelings will pass and never come back. Please just leave me in peace. Go bug someone else, or better still, go die.

I Think I Need Help..

I think I need help..

I feel fat all the time..
I am insecure..
I experience fear for no ultimate reason..
I worry for nothing..
I don’t think I’m pretty..
I think I’m super-dark..
I see fair people as beautiful..
I am so afraid of getting hurt..
I fear that I might be left behind again..
I hate the fact that my blood type is A-..
I question why my tummy isn’t flat enough..
I am terrified that he’d like me less if I get fat..

I think I need help..

A Good Cry

I’m feeling crappy again. What’s new right? Sigh. PMS just sucks. I wish I have the guts to just say what’s on my mind. I wish I have the guts to just ask what I wanna know. I wish he has the guts to do whatever it takes. Oh my God, why do I always find trouble? I’m tired.

‘Whatever you decide to do, I’m fine with it.’ I hate this stupid statement. I just do. It makes me feel worthless. Probably just me, then again, when your mood is swinging like an ape swinging from a tree to another, everything just simply sucks. I guess it’s just something I hate to hear right now. If you’re fine with whatever I decide to do, then I don’t want anything to do with you at all. Are you still fine with my decision? I guess you are. Crap. I have to get back to work. Sigh. I think I just need a good cry. Hmm.

I'm A Parasite

Based on my birthday, I am a parasite. If I truly am, then..

I am an extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, I prefer quietness. I love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances I'm cool but when given a reason to, I'm like a volcano waiting to erupt. I'm a fashion bird. People look forward to me as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, I mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in my company. I observe care in choosing your friends.

There, if you're a parasite, then you're just like me.. :)

The Simplest Thing

I was feeling crappy today that I didn't feel like talking to anyone. So I decided that I needed a little me time. Took my boss's car to go to the bank (for absolutely no business at all), when this happened..

sms received : Manje~
sms replied : ye cyg.awat? :)
sms received : Mish busuk..

And then suddenly, everything's OK. The simplest thing that got me smiling today. :D

Leo The Twisted Lion

This is me..

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo women are normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks, she walks like a queen, confident and does not look around, as though no one is around her.

She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she chooses to wear. Do not buy cheap clothes where they sell in dozens for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy clothes that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange clothes and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much.

She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is born to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman, and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She keeping her sweet memory does not mean she is still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.

She will have many guys run after her, so if you have the advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.

She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bucks, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she gives you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke makes her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. Its unique quality and time spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

Too overrated?? Yeah. Thought so too. :)

A Card and A Chocolate

Yeay~! I got a card and a chocolate! :D Someone actually missed me while I was gone. Hehe. I’ve been away from Bintulu for about 2 weeks. Went for my course in Kuantan for about 5 days, then spent the rest of the days, finishing my annual leaves in Penang and KL. Truly a great getaway, only I miss my TTM. :(

Anyway, to the person who was thoughtful enough to surprise me with the gift and the card (my TTM of course), thanks dear. You truly made me smile. And just so you know, I missed you too. :) Glad to be back and close to you again. *hugs*

Btw, here’s a sneak peak of the card (outside only OK :p) and the yummy chocolate I got upon arriving in Bintulu yesterday. Sweet eh? :D



p/s : To those who were wondering why this is such a big thing to me, it’s because I’m not used to being treated this way, at least not by the people who matters most to me. So, that’s why I still can’t stop smiling. And it's Tuesday already. :D

Strolling Down Memory Lane

Can anyone ever satisfy me? Will I ever be satisfied? I guess the first thing I need to do is stop attracting (or stop being attracted to) the wrong person. All my life, as far as I can remember, I have been doing nothing but that. I have always, always been attracted to all the wrong individuals. Anyone I ever liked, never ever liked me back. Even if they do, they are not quite the available ones or they don’t like me the way I liked them. See? It’s either I liked the wrong person, or they liked me. I think I need to keep away from all the wrong people. But can I actually? When will I ever learn? Sigh.

I feel like strolling down memory lane today. Care to join me anyone? Let’s take a stroll with me just so I can demonstrate my point. You can then agree that I have always had it wrong with guys I liked or those who liked/like me. Hmm. I think I should start with the ones I liked first, moving on later to the ones that liked me. Buckle up people. Try to enjoy the ride ya. :)

***
The ones I liked
The Arrogant Lad
This guy was practically my first crush back in UTP. He was probably everyone’s first crush given the super good looks he was granted. And you know what? He knew it, too. I think my close friends would know as I was not actually discreet about it. Only with them, mind you. Until today, I have no idea if he ever knew. Haha. Anyway, what’s wrong with me liking this guy back then? He made it clear that he was having a crush on this other girl, and was actually pursuing her. And what can be worst than asking me for pointers on courting that particular girl? At that time, absolutely nothing! So I have actually liked a guy who could care less about my being. On top of that, he was treating me like I didn’t matter too. Good start eh?

The Shy Stranger
I’m not sure if I can classify this guy as someone who’s wrong. I don’t think he ever knew I liked him. I don’t think anyone ever knew. He was a friend of 'The Arrogant Lad'. Haha. Need I say more? With this guy, it wasn’t anything serious. It was just a stupid crush. A crush no one knew. A crush I kept to myself. Until now that is. All I can remember about him is that he was super shy. Very polite. But not once he glanced my way. Not once.

The Handsome Jerk
With this guy, I was just blinded by good looks and nothing else. Seriously. Stupid stupid me. This jerk knew I liked him from a good friend. Needless to say I never intended for him to know. But anyways, he actually came up to me and my best friend while we were having dinner one night and asked for my best friend’s hand phone number right under my nose. He even asked her out there and then. OMG! Imagine how I felt right that very moment. Talk about being a pig. By the way, I learnt afterwards that he’s a pervert. Haha. Felt so glad I didn’t get the chance to go out with him.

The Amateur Cheater
This guy actually broke my heart. The first time ever I cried over a guy was when I liked this d*ckhead. Excuse my language. Just can’t help but be reminded of how I used to cry myself to sleep because I found out that this guy cheated on me. I seriously liked him. Love was growing in fact. And he knew and he made me think that the feeling’s mutual, too. What an ass. You wanna know the funny part? He was caught cheating by my best friend in her house, with her other friend. How cool is that? And when I confronted him, it was as if nothing ever happened. Or even if it did, he wanted me to decide what I wanted to do. Wth? Like my feelings didn’t matter. Whatever I decided, he’s fine. So then I decided to end the whole thing. He didn’t stop me. Didn’t even try. That’s how much I was worth to him I guess. Although back then, I felt like dirt, today, we are just good friends. Hehe. People are always asking me, how did I end up being friends with him after what he did? Honestly, I seriously don’t know. I’m too nice I guess. That is why I get hurt easily. Hmm.

The Devoted Friend
I saw this guy for the first time at the cafeteria. I had a major crush there and then. I saw him in the afternoon and by tomorrow evening, he found out I like him already. Haha. See how fast my friends worked? I was angry considering I’ve had so many bad experiences with guys who knew I liked them that I just felt like keeping the crush I had on this guy to myself. But I was a little too late. Anyways, I hate to tell u guys about this particular guy cuz I just think that he’s a coward and nothing else. Or probably he didn’t like me that much. The thing is he actually told a friend that he thinks I’m OK and he liked me too. Perhaps, he was being nice. Nevermind. But he refused to go out with me or have any kind of contact with me after a friend of his (I will tell u guys about this other guy later on) told him that he actually is pursuing me. What?!? Jgn kacau line dier la kirenye. The nerves on some people really amaze me. So then I gave up. What’s the point right? If he values his friendship, I have to respect that. But don’t expect me to be so open about it. Idiots!

The Careless Bloke
Hmm. What can I say about this guy? I was very comfortable with him. I liked him very much, really. Although I’m not sure if he ever liked me when we were going out together, I enjoyed having him around most of the time anyway. You see the thing is with me is that I never assume anything. If you like me, you have to tell me. I’m not the presumptuous type of a person. I’m just not. I just don’t have the confidence to exude such beliefs. I have nothing much to say about this guy as clearly, I don’t know how he ever felt about me. He probably liked me as a friend or more, I might never know.

The Obedient Son
This particular person used to be the love of my life. I changed because of the relationship I had with this guy. I changed so much over the 3 years with him. Only it was rarely appreciated or even seen as something important enough to be recognized. Not that I crave for recognition that much, but a teeny weeny acknowledgement would’ve been nice, right? If you know me, you’d know that I’m not all that hard to please. But I will without a doubt go the extra mile to please the ones I love. Anyways, what happened with this person who I thought was my absolute knight in shining armour? Let’s just say he’s not looking for a spoiled stubborn mummy’s little girl. Even if he was, he’s too compliant to do something about it. By the way, if any of you are interested for more details on this individual, feel free to read my old blog. :) It’s everything you need to know and probably a little more.

The Sweetheart’s Honey a.k.a The Charming Caring Soul
At first he was just someone who’s there, someone for me to take my mind off things, someone who helped me forget, someone who laughed hard at my jokes, someone who made me laugh after a long time. Then slowly but surely, he became someone I like, someone I need, someone I miss, someone I want but probably can’t have. How? Could it be because he’s so bloody caring and sweet? I have no idea why I let my feelings for him developed so deeply despite the constant alarm in my head telling me otherwise. I truly care for this person. I do. So much that it slightly hurts, sometimes. I meant that in a good way of course, if there’s such a thing. Hmm. Although I’m not exactly sure he feels the same way, I upset myself thinking about it now and again. Probably because he’s not actually available you see. Yes people. He’s all that I ever wanted in a guy, but he’s taken. Again, one of the many people I’m wrongly attracted to. Sigh. What am I gonna do now? I seriously don’t know. Continue being a careless bitch? I have a feeling that I’m well on my way to self-destruction again. The path where without a doubt will be left with at least a broken heart. And more often than not, when it involves yours truly, it’s pretty clear whose heart it will be. Nonetheless, I’d just like to be absurdly optimistic and hope that I won’t be hurt whatever the outcome may be. Hmm. A tad too wishful maybe? Despite that, I really need a hug. Hug? :)
***

There you have it. That was about them guys that got yours truly love-struck. Now let’s read on about those who’re mysteriously smitten by yours truly yang comot ini. :)

***
The ones who liked me
The Psychotic Deceiver
This Romeo is really something. According to his friends (and him of course), he never failed in getting a girl to like him. Wanna guess who’s the first to break his track record? Yours truly! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, or absolutely nothing right? Hmm. It’s just that he lies like he breathes in oxygen. Constantly. All the time. It surprises me really. Everything that was uttered by him was nothing but lies. You can never trust him. Never. But, despite being the greatest liar, he’s a gentleman when it comes to treating a lady. Or probably when it comes to treating me. Hehe. I was like a princess to him. I can safely say that, before ‘The Sweetheart’s Honey a.k.a The Charming Caring Soul’, no one has ever treated me better than this guy. Sigh. If only he’s not damaged goods. The lies and the stories he made up, were weird and unreasonable. It’s beyond comprehension sometimes. No wait. Not sometimes, all the time. I can’t even begin to tell the lies I was told by this guy. Being super sick and bla bla bla…Oh by the way, remember the guy that ‘The Devoted Friend’ was so loyal to? This is the guy. Talk about wasting time.

The Eager Bandit
This one still makes me laugh. Until today. This guy asked me out one night. Mind you, it was our very first date. I’d like to stress that it’s our very first date. A meal and two movies later, he impatiently asked me to be his girlfriend. Hahahaha. Lawak x? Quite scary at first, but now it’s just amusing. You know what made it more hilarious? A few days after, he was caught stealing some stuff from his housemates. So glad I said no to him or by now, I’d have a thief for an ex-boyfriend. Haha. Can I be attracting a more wrong person? You tell me. :D

The Insolent Pervert
Yes people. I’ve been out with a pervert before. Of course at that point of time, I didn’t know he was actually one. Duh! He was in fact a friend. A good friend if I might add. Someone I trusted. He has somehow developed some kind of a romantic feeling towards me. Needless to say, I had no idea. Not the slightest. I only found out after a friend decided to enlighten me. I told you that you’d need to tell me if you like me. I don’t do signals reading. But anyway, this guy went out for a movie with me and started to grope me. What an ass right? Wanna take a guess what movie? Lord of The Rings 2, or was it 3? I can’t remember. But it was one of the movies from the ever so famous trilogies. It seemed like the movie took forever to end (dah la mmg citer tu berjam2 kn). Thanks to this jerk, I hate that movie. I haven’t talked to this guy right up till today. I just can’t bring myself to talk to him. I can’t look at him in the face and not feel sick. I maybe feel a little betrayed too. But I have forgiven him though. Sinerely. Just stay out of my face sucker!

The Snobbish Gentleman
This is another one of my almost perfect guy. He was such a sweet gentleman. He knew the right things to say, the right things to do. And he made me feel like nothing else mattered, but me, when I was around him. He took such good care of me when we were out in the public that I nearly fell for him, until I saw him treat the others around him. He was bringing everyone down with such harsh words. The remarks and comments made, it was really uncalled for. I can’t stand people doing that. I just can’t stand people who are conceited. Be nice to me and others as well. Why pick and choose? You know Alex Karev in GA? You noticed how Alex is always nice to Izzie Stevens but not even half as nice to others? My almost perfect guy, he’s just about that.

The Constant Sulker
Where do I even begin with this one? This one truly gave me a headache. It sometimes even made me feel like crying. I have no idea how to handle this one person. I have made clear that I do not have any feelings for him whatsoever. You might wanna know what’s wrong with him right? Everything! He’s married. Yes, he is. See why I get migraines when dealing with this one particular human being? Talk about attracting the wrong people, this one has got to be the champion. Care to challenge me on that point? I have lost my appetite to tell you guys anything anymore on this person. Simply because it will take hours for me to stop once I start. So I decided not to even start. Besides, tak penting pun citer panjang2 pasal orang ini.
***

There. Long list huh? I was right wasn’t I? I’d like to conclude today’s entry by saying that, when I’m not out there attracted to someone who couldn’t be more wrong, they’re out there getting attracted to me. So please generous people, any ideas on how to be the magnet to a perfect guy? Do share. After all, sharing is caring right? :)

Hopeless Romantic

Someone dedicated this song to me not too long ago. It’s really sweet. Only I really, really felt that it could actually come from a better person (not someone who’s married). It would probably carry more meaning then. In fact, right now, if it came from this one particular person I care about the most, it would be almost perfect. Sigh. How did I get to be such a hopeless romantic? Truth is, always have been, only no one actually knows. :)

Kasih, kenanganku
Ingatkah saat saat dulu
Kasih, apakah dirimu
Merasakan semua itu

Ke mana pun langkahku pergi
Ku masih melihat bayanganmu cintaku
Dan kemana pun arah anginku berlari
Hati ini masih kau miliki

Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintamu
Selalu, tanpa ragu
Lelaki ini yang selalu memuja
Hanya dirimu
Yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku
Sanubari ku
Aku yang mencintakan mu
Hanya dirimu…

Karena cintaku, tak berbatas waktu
Karena cintaku, tak mengenal jenuh hatimu
Hatimu

July 27

Your Birthdate: July 27

You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything. You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life. Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal. You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return. Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge Your power color: Cobalt blue Your power symbol: Dove Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Insignificant Soul

This feeling should bug me right? It should bug me big time. I feel that this person is only nice to me when we’re out alone. Sometimes when we’re out in public, it’s like there’s a wall that writes ‘keep your distance’ been put up, to make sure I’m not too close. Especially in the presence of familiar faces. It stings me sometimes. But I kinda learn how to quickly push these feelings aside. Why? Because I need to always, always remind myself, who am I to whine? Nobody. Just another insignificant soul. One that won’t be missed if gone. Damn. What trouble have I gotten myself into now? Sigh.

Absolutely Nothing

If it affects me this much, then why am I still doing what I’m doing? Who knows? I sure as hell don’t. Sigh.

PMS sucks. It’s not like it sucks a little where you can just brush off things that don't matter. It sucks big time because it makes everything that don’t matter, suddenly matter too much. Right, what else to blame in times like this? In times where nothing said by anyone can make you feel better. In times where nothing done by anyone can make you feel better. In times where absolutely nothing can make you feel better.

I should probably take a shower and go to bed, despite the fact that it’s only 7.25 pm.