Dear God

Dear God,
Pls grant him loads and loads of patience to put up with me everyday. Let him have all the strength to tolerate me. Pls don’t make him sick, tired and bored of me. I know I am not easy to handle and I haven’t been a fun person as of late. But I do love him so much. And it will kill me to know that his love for me might subside even a little just because I cannot curb my mood swings. Pls don’t drive him away, ever. Let him know that I’m very grateful for him.

Dear God,
Just let him accept me for who I am. Don’t let him regret the decision he made to be with me. Don’t let him think that he’s responsible for all my bad days. The last thing I’d want is for him to be disappointed in me. Pls don’t make him scared of being himself when around me. Pls don’t make him upset with my being this way. Let him be able to just stomach me whatever state I’m in. I really need him. I don’t think I can be without him. So just let him always know that I love him dearly. Always. Pls don’t ever make him hate me or love me any less.

Dear God,
Pls grant me loads and loads of patience to face the life here. Pls make me feel better. Let me learn how to handle myself well. Pls let me refrain from throwing tantrums when I’m with him. Pls just let me be more happy than sad. I am so afraid of making him sick of me. I’m scared that I might be driving him away. I’m terrified that I’d be the ‘mistake’ he made. Pls lift this burden of being perfect around him off me. Grant me some peace dear God. Let me be able to let go when I’m around him. Take away all the nonsensical things that bug me all the time. Let me be the fun person he knew. Let me be the smiley person he knew. Let me be the carefree person he knew.

Dear God,
Pls. Just make us last. Pls. Let our love for each other always be strong regardless. Pls, if you have to, only let death do us part.

Amin.

My 'Non-working' Working Day

Yesterday was the 25th Anniversary Celebration for my company. It marked the day when the first cargo was sent off to Japan, 29th January, 25 years ago. Just imagine how far we’ve come since then. Mr. President himself came down to commemorate one of the most important celebrations in the history of my company, or better still my mother company, together with us company midgets. Hehe.

Anyway, in the morning, I was nominated to attend the ‘Sending-Off Ceremony’ at the terminal. It’s a ceremony to revive the historic moment of Malaysia's 1st LNG cargo sending-off event by replicating the ceremony that took place in Bintulu long ago. Basically, we just watched the ship sail off dock. Just to remember the day, 25 years back. I guess. Despite the rain and the waiting, it was still kind of exciting for me (waiting was not so bad as I had my Darling to keep me entertained. Leh dok main lukis2 muka org la apa suma kn. Haha). Seeing the Tenaga Satu cruise its way to Japan, blowing its horn numerous times somehow made me feel a little nostalgic (walaupun aku masih belum dilahirkn di waktu itew). There were people waving at us from the ships. Nampak mcm bes je atas kapal itew. Hmm. Wonder if I’ll ever get the opportunity to be on board one day. Let’s just keep my fingers crossed. Who knows right? :)

Once done with the ceremony in the morning, I was already getting ready for the event in the afternoon - an Engagement Session with the top man himself. So, off I went, carelessly walking towards the registration counter when I was stopped by my HR Manager. He was looking at me with this really weird look. I was so confused that I thought ‘Jgn la bg butang baju aku terbukak ka apa’. Haha. What? You should’ve seen his face. Anyways, when I was finally in front of him, he reached into his front pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It was one of the planted questions for the Q&A Session later. You know, just in case nobody wants to ask anything, I had to get up and save the floor. I had question number 3. So, after the 2 other identified person ask their questions, I’ll be forced to ask mine. Sigh. There goes my plan to sneak out early and do shoe-shopping for the dinner later. So I took the piece of paper and off I went to find a seat. Lucky me, I found one near the microphone. I was praying hard that I wouldn’t have to get up and ask anything. But still, just in case I had to, I was prepared. Ttp kn? :p At around 2.40pm, the session started. During the Q&A Session, so many were standing to express concerns and demanding answers. Including one of the identified person that was holding planted question #1. That made me a little confuse because if I remember correctly, we (the identified people with the planted questions) were supposed to ask only when members of the floor have no questions. But in this case, this person actually was racing to the microphone with another guy. Huh? Kind of funny actually. But heck, who cares. I was too busy praying I wouldn’t have to get up and ask my question. An hour passed, and I was beginning to feel comfortable as the session was gonna end any time. I was quietly celebrating the fact that my prayer was soon gonna be answered. But I guess it was way too soon.

It was down to the last question, and suddenly no one wanted to get up and ask anything. No one. What is wrong with you people? How did you turn from being so bloody active, concern and full of questions, to totally nothing to say? Sigh. After procrastinating (for about 30 secs), I finally got up and ask my question. Dh la soklan aku tu xde kene mngene ngan perkembangan company. ‘Who are your mentors?’ Wth kn? And it had to be the last question. There’s nothing I could have done. I just had to save the day. Haha. Hopefully, aku menjadi sedikit glamour (in a good way of course) kerana soklan aku itew. *wink*

So the engagement session was done and over with and now we’re down to the Appreciation Dinner. After several failing attempts of me trying to put on my pareo (mcm nk nangis mencuba ok?), I was finally at the Dewan Suarah with my Darling. This is just another event that was dedicated to all staff for the contributions towards 25 years of safe delivery. Invited artists were Dayang Nurfaizah and Alleycats. I didn’t quite enjoy their performances. Why? Simply because they didn’t sing my favourite songs. Haha. But, they were good performers no doubt. All in all, the dinner was a just an ordinary one, nothing remarkable except how handsome (to me) my Darling looked that night. :) Tak caya? Pictures below will tell you that I don’t lie. Hehe. Enjoy!

My Handsome Darling and me :)

Still managed to smile although I really felt like my pareo was gonna fall off

There's a reason why my hands are like that - to prepare for the worst :p

Can you spot my Darling having fun dancing with the stars? :D

Oh btw, that’s pretty much where my 'non-working' working day ended. Wpun x keja, tp penat. Tp best! :D

Good Girl Gone Bad

Girls, you people should really listen to this song. It's by gorgeous Ms. Rihanna. Nothing but fantaboulous. :) I can's stop humming to it since last week. Hehe. Enjoy~!

Good Girl Gone Bad - Rihanna
We stay moving around solo
Ask us where you at
We don’t know and don’t care (don’t care)
All we know is we was at home cuz you left us there
You got your boys and got gone and left us all alone
Now she in the club with a freaky dress on
Cats goin at her, keep that dress on
Tryna get enough drinks in her system
Take her to the telly and make her a victim

Patrone on the brain
Ball Player in her face
They shake the spot
She’s just another cake

Easy for a good girl to go bad
And once we gone
Best believe we gone forever
Don’t be the reason
Don’t be the reason
You better learn how to treat us right
Cuz once a good girl goes bad
We gone forever

He stay with the flock of em o ya
Got a girl at home but he don’t care
Won’t care (Won't care)
All he do is keep me at home
Won’t let me go no where
He thinks because im at home
I won’t be gettin’ it on
And now im finding numbers
In the jacket pockets
Chicks calling the house

Non-stop
It’s getting out of control
Finally I can’t take no more
He finds a letter on the stairs
Saying this is the end
I packed my bag and left with your best friend

Easy for a good girl to go bad
And once we gone
Best believe we gone forever
Don’t be the reason
Don’t be the reason
You better learn how to treat us right
Cuz once a good girl goes bad
We gone forever

We stay moving around solo
Ask us where you at
We don’t know
And don’t care (don't care)
All we know is we was at home cuz you left us there
You got your boys and got gone and left us all alone

Easy for a good girl to go bad
And once we gone
Best believe we gone forever
Don’t be the reason
Don’t be the reason
You better learn how to treat us right
Cuz once a good girl goes bad

We gone forever
We gone forever
We gone forever

My Giant Handphone, My Mini Laptop

There's nothing I wanna blog about today actually. It's normally the case when I'm not pms-ing. Hehe. I only have so many things to say when my uterus wall comes crashing down once a month. Anyway, it's 10.48am on a Sunday morning. I'm next to my darling, posting my first entry in front of the telly using my new baby - my giant handphone, my mini laptop (pics will be posted later). :) I feel so cool. Haha. Ye, saya adalah sedikit jakun dan sangat excited! Who cares? Ok people, gotta make a move. I am going shopping. Need to find a new tudung for my company's dinner on Tuesday. Toodles!

The EX

X-X : Is she still calling u?
X-Y : Emm. Dh lame dier x call. Sms pun xde. Tp aritu I call dier, dier x angkat. Pastu dier call blk, I tgh mandi kot. Pastu dh x call blk dh.
X-X : (Wat???? U called her??) Ohh ok..
X-Y : I called her just to ask if she’s doing ok. Kn dier dh stat keje sume.
X-X : (Wat???? Why do u need to??) Hmm ok.
X-Y : It’s nothing la cyg. I just wanna make sure she’s fine like I am. I feel bad if she’s not. I have you and I’m happy. I want her to be the same.
X-X : (So if she’s not, wat r u gonna do??) Ok..
X-Y : R u ok? Don’t worry ok?
X-X : Haih. U guys have to understand, dat when u dump someone, u r the last person dat shud try 2 make the other person feel better. Let alone make sure they r happy. So if she’s not happy, wat r u gonna do? Find her a new bf?
X-Y : Haha. I don’t think she’d want dat.
X-X : Exactly. So then leave her be. She’ll b fine on her own. You’re the last person she needs to be worrying abt her. Trust me, I’d know.
X-Y : Hmm. I know. But I can’t help but feel bad. Cyg, don’t worry ok. It’s not like I call her all the time.

If X-X had the guts, the conversation would probably continue on like this.

X-X : You wanna call her, fine. I can’t stop you. You can call whoever. But pls don’t expect me to be super understanding abt the whole thing. She’s your ex. Of course I’m worried. You’ve hd 5 years of history. I’d be crazy if I don’t feel anything.

But knowing how gutless X-X cn be when it comes to the EX, the conversation ended so much simpler.

X-X : Emm. Ok.

This conversation took place some time last month. Why is it suddenly here now? X-X saw X-Y’s phone last night, accidentally while X-Y was trying to text a friend of his. Then X-X saw the EX’s name on the missed calls’ list and on the inbox messages list. X-X is not a paranoid person or a person of suspicion. In fact, X-Y has already explained and ensured X-X that it’s nothing. But still, X-X can’t help but feel worried and sad and inferior. As bad as X-X felt, X-X still kept quiet and managed to laugh and smile. Hurtful, yes. What else to do? Hmm.

She Needs To Be Home

She knows he’s probably tired. But she can’t help but hope he’d be there for her. She’s not always asking for undivided attention. In fact, she gave him lots of space. She’s not always demanding for the unnecessaries. In fact, she has been very understanding. She’s not always requesting for his presence. In fact, she has been very accommodating. But the one time she needed him the most, he left her alone. Unintentionally perhaps. Still, it left her broken-hearted. And as always, she can’t help but cry.

A cry of anger. A cry of frustration. A cry of fear. A cry of disappointment. A cry that accompanied her to sleep. :(

She wants to be understanding. She wants to be kind. She wants to be happy. She wants to be caring. But this time, she just can’t anymore. And it gets to her so much that she thinks, ‘She needs to be alone. She needs to be away. She needs to be home’.

PMS really sucks!

Kecewa

Awat macaroni goreng aku tak sedap pun? Kecewa nya~ :( Haih.