Go Die

Earlier today (when I wasn’t so pms), I had this ambition of blogging about the wonderful weekend I had in KL with my TTM. But now, I’m just not in the mood to tell you guys anything about it. Why? Sigh. It has to be one of the events that left you wondering who, what, where, why and the worst, what if.

I’m just crazy. I’m just paranoid. I’m just overreacting. Am I? Sadly sometimes I don’t think so. I’m worried. I’m scared. I’m disturbed. I still think I don’t have the right to say anything about ‘anyone’ (despite he himself has told me otherwise). I still think ‘anyone’ is more important than me. I still think that as long as ‘anyone’ is around, ‘anyone’ will always come first. It’s probably just me. I don’t know. I’m gutless when it comes to these things. Wanna know why? Simply because I feel I have no say in anything at all over ‘anyone’.

Weird thing is, if you noticed, I’m always wondering about all these nonsensical things. But it disturbs me most only when I’m pms-ing (there we go again, blame it all on the pms). So again, I’m just gonna go have a good harmless cry (that always help), and watch the telly. Hopefully, these stupid thoughts and feelings will pass and never come back. Please just leave me in peace. Go bug someone else, or better still, go die.

I Think I Need Help..

I think I need help..

I feel fat all the time..
I am insecure..
I experience fear for no ultimate reason..
I worry for nothing..
I don’t think I’m pretty..
I think I’m super-dark..
I see fair people as beautiful..
I am so afraid of getting hurt..
I fear that I might be left behind again..
I hate the fact that my blood type is A-..
I question why my tummy isn’t flat enough..
I am terrified that he’d like me less if I get fat..

I think I need help..

A Good Cry

I’m feeling crappy again. What’s new right? Sigh. PMS just sucks. I wish I have the guts to just say what’s on my mind. I wish I have the guts to just ask what I wanna know. I wish he has the guts to do whatever it takes. Oh my God, why do I always find trouble? I’m tired.

‘Whatever you decide to do, I’m fine with it.’ I hate this stupid statement. I just do. It makes me feel worthless. Probably just me, then again, when your mood is swinging like an ape swinging from a tree to another, everything just simply sucks. I guess it’s just something I hate to hear right now. If you’re fine with whatever I decide to do, then I don’t want anything to do with you at all. Are you still fine with my decision? I guess you are. Crap. I have to get back to work. Sigh. I think I just need a good cry. Hmm.

I'm A Parasite

Based on my birthday, I am a parasite. If I truly am, then..

I am an extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, I prefer quietness. I love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances I'm cool but when given a reason to, I'm like a volcano waiting to erupt. I'm a fashion bird. People look forward to me as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, I mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in my company. I observe care in choosing your friends.

There, if you're a parasite, then you're just like me.. :)

The Simplest Thing

I was feeling crappy today that I didn't feel like talking to anyone. So I decided that I needed a little me time. Took my boss's car to go to the bank (for absolutely no business at all), when this happened..

sms received : Manje~
sms replied : ye cyg.awat? :)
sms received : Mish busuk..

And then suddenly, everything's OK. The simplest thing that got me smiling today. :D

Leo The Twisted Lion

This is me..

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo women are normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks, she walks like a queen, confident and does not look around, as though no one is around her.

She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she chooses to wear. Do not buy cheap clothes where they sell in dozens for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy clothes that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange clothes and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much.

She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is born to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman, and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She keeping her sweet memory does not mean she is still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.

She will have many guys run after her, so if you have the advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.

She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bucks, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she gives you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke makes her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. Its unique quality and time spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

Too overrated?? Yeah. Thought so too. :)

A Card and A Chocolate

Yeay~! I got a card and a chocolate! :D Someone actually missed me while I was gone. Hehe. I’ve been away from Bintulu for about 2 weeks. Went for my course in Kuantan for about 5 days, then spent the rest of the days, finishing my annual leaves in Penang and KL. Truly a great getaway, only I miss my TTM. :(

Anyway, to the person who was thoughtful enough to surprise me with the gift and the card (my TTM of course), thanks dear. You truly made me smile. And just so you know, I missed you too. :) Glad to be back and close to you again. *hugs*

Btw, here’s a sneak peak of the card (outside only OK :p) and the yummy chocolate I got upon arriving in Bintulu yesterday. Sweet eh? :D



p/s : To those who were wondering why this is such a big thing to me, it’s because I’m not used to being treated this way, at least not by the people who matters most to me. So, that’s why I still can’t stop smiling. And it's Tuesday already. :D